I wonder if you think of me, and whether you hold that phone in your hands with my number displayed. And I hope you feel guilty, and I hope you feel regret. I hope you realize that I was probably one of the best things to come your way, to love you, and I was probably one of the few that could forgive you for all the times you shut me out and all the times you broke promises. I was probably one of the few that saw that heart you had and thought it was worth the fight, that it was worth all the bullshit, the tears and the lies. I was probably one of the few that would take my time to understand and caress you, and now there’s one less for you to turn to, one less for you to feel loved by, one less person who will understand and forgive you. I’m not going to answer the phone when you call, because I deserve a little bit better than what you gave me which was never enough and never a lot, and definitely, not all of you.

I deserve someone who will give me their all.

I want you to be totally and completely miserable without me. I kind of want to be under your skin, burning and poisoning you, until you’re writhing in pain on your bedroom floor. Not because I want you back, or want you to come crawling to my feet, but because I’m just that vindictive, and you know that about me, because you hurt me, just like you promised me you wouldn’t. I think you should feel something, because its not fair how easy this all seemed to be for you. Because of all the promises you made and broke. For getting my hopes up. For stringing me along. For breaking up with me, exactly how I dreaded you would. For saying you loved me, and letting me believe it was forever. For every time you told me that you needed me, that I was important, that you would never leave me. For every time you consoled me with sweet words when I was scared you were going to end it. For making this seem just as important to you, as it was to me, when clearly it wasn’t. For saying that you hoped to god there was never an after me, when you ended up deciding that there was going to be.

And to be honest, I think you deserve to suffer for a little while.

Because at least then, I wouldn’t be the only one writhing in pain and unable to sleep.